I may be a bit late for valentine’s day, but it inspired me to think about how relationships are a central element to feeling good and functioning well at work – the core definition of wellbeing.
Spending time with loved ones brings us joy and connection, which we can draw upon in times of stress. And psychologists have shown that less close relationships – ‘weak ties’ – also a positive impact on our wellbeing.
But what do you do when you profession requires you to stand apart from the people you work alongside? When the very nature of your job means you must remain independent, aloof?
It’s a challenge I have observed in Freedom to Speak Up guardians, but also in other professionals like compliance and ethics leads, internal auditors, HR and workplace investigators. Where any friendships or close colleagues can appear to be a conflict of interest, with the potential to compromise perceptions of your independence and your impartiality.
This is often lonely space. To maintain the integrity of your role, you must inhabit a state of functional isolation.
Toxin handlers as alchemists
The loneliness from these roles also comes from a kind of “deep acting” where personal feelings are quashed to do the role. Sometimes, when we are driven by a strong sense of purpose, we may prioritise people who need our help above those who bring us joy.
Sociologist Arlie Russell Hochschild, in her book The Managed Heart, uses deep acting describe this form of emotional labour where you consciously need to suppress your own feelings inorder to provide the response expected of you. In this case – to remain impartial whatever your personal response.
Hochschild describes the “transmutation of an emotional system”. A kind of alchemy. Which seems appropriate terminology for roles which operate as toxin handlers in organisations.
People like Freedom to Speak Up guardians are holders of organisational anxiety. They hold space to listen to the worst of human behaviours, absorbing workers’ concerns, anxiety and frustration. Their task is to take that and transmute it into action and organisational learning.
But to extend the alchemy metaphor, handling toxins requires protection. With the imminent closure of the National Guardian’s Office, I have been thinking a lot about how guardians can be supported. NHS England has set out proposals for the future of Freedom to Speak Up after the National Guardian’s Office closes in June 2026, and I have submitted this paper which details my recommendations in the light of the wellbeing work I have been doing with guardians.
The antidote to loneliness
Maslow placed “love and belonging” at the heart of human survival in his pyramid of needs, and Martin Seligman puts relationships as core to his PERMA wellbeing framework.
In the workplace, this can manifest through what psychologists call ‘strong ties’. Your work BFF.
According to Gallup, employees who responded positively in their engagement survey to the question if they feel cared for by someone at work, were statistically more inclined to provide support to colleagues and feel psychologically safe to pursue ideas for improvement. According to the survey, approximately one-third of employees have a ‘best friend’ at work.
However, for those in lonely roles, having a best friend at work can be a challenge. This is where the power of ‘weak ties’ and external peer networks becomes a lifeline. While strong ties fulfill the need for close relationships and social support, weak ties contribute to a sense of belonging and community.
Weak ties provide access to diverse perspectives, and information and resources that may not be available within one’s close network. These connections offer opportunities for learning, collaboration, and professional development, enhancing job satisfaction and performance.
For example, a peer from another sector or region, may share valuable insights from their experience or draw on different perspectives to introduce new ideas or ways of working that lead to innovation or problem-solving.
They may offer emotional support too. In a role where they cite feeling isolated and lonely as one of their key challenges to their emotional wellbeing, guardians rely on the support of those who understand their challenges: regional networks, and the “FTSU family.”
Maintaining the social movement
Being impartial shouldn’t mean being alone.
We are at a critical point in the development of the Freedom to Speak Up Guardian role. Ten years since its inception, it is essential that guardians are recognised for the unique skill-set they bring and the challenges they face in maintaining their wellbeing and personal development.
Belonging to a national network is what gave Freedom to Speak Up guardians a sense of belonging to a wider social movement. Because the value of the role for workers, patients and the NHS is not just how guardians handle concerns, but their ability to transform issues into wider learning, both for the organisation and the wider NHS community.
The NHS Staff Survey consistently shows that support for speaking up is a postcode lottery, inconsistent across NHS providers. Listening to those who speak up in the NHS is a national issue and as such it requires a national network of guardians.
Supporting the continuation of the national aspect of the guardian network will help its evolution into a professional network, sharing successful practices and support across the regions, including a national conference
Your “Critical Friend”
I’m dating myself here, but those of us of a certain age may remember the deodorant (or was it soap?) adverts with the tagline: “What your best friend won’t tell you.”
When you hold a role of high responsibility or impartiality – like a senior leader or a Freedom to Speak Up Guardian – it is difficult to find someone to tell you what your best friend can’t. According to one survey, 50% of CEOs say that they experience loneliness. And nearly half of Freedom to Speak Up guardians say they do not have any access to confidential support, yet a quarter are feeling emotionally exhausted by the role.
The higher or more impartial your role, the fewer people there are to talk to, without the need for ‘deep acting’. Where do you go to bounce ideas, test a strategy, or simply say what’s on your mind?
This is why I developed the Critical Friend service at Gowpen. A Critical Friend sits in that vital space between a coach, consultant, and formal supervision.
I’m lucky enough to have a friend like this in my own life. She is clever, opinionated, and has the rare gift of tearing my ideas down with insights which help me build them back up stronger. Discussions with her open doors I hadn’t thought to knock on (infact it was she who recommended I read the Managed Heart).
A Critical Friend is:
- A sounding board to test your thinking before it goes live
- A safe space to be listened to without judgment or internal politics
- A constructive challenger, sharing my expertise and perspectives, but always as a friend who wants you to succeed.
That is my vision for this service. While AI tools like ChatGPT can give you feedback on a communications campaign or a awareness strategy, they lack the lived experience of what turning ideas into action really means.
Whether you need a shoulder to cry on in a tough dilemma or subject matter expertise to brainstorm ideas to remove the barriers to speaking up or embed behaviour change, having two heads is always better than one.
Do get in touch to discuss how I can support you and your team.
Gowpen 